I've lost track of the last time I slept through the night. No, I do not have a child waking me, or even those panic attacks that have been known to stir me from a sound sleep for no apparent reason. No, this time I'm stymied. I wake up, look at my clock, mutter, "Oh no," toss around for a while, and finally get up, knowing that sleep is not a gift I'm likely to receive again this night.
I haven't wasted the extra time. I've been organizing my tax receipts, reading, watching movies, you name it. I actually wouldn't mind this extra time when the rest of the world is quiet, and it feels like it's just me and God, but by 11a.m. I feel spent, and I actually have work to do. Plus, it makes me not want to exercise, not that I ever really want to exercise.
I've tried drinking Chamomile tea at night because I heard that relaxes you. I stopped all late night munchies. I've stopped watching violent things on television before bed, anything that might help. But alas, when 3:30-4:30 rolls around, I am awake. It's a vicious cycle that is starting to seem like it can never be broken.
After a while, it seems like I'm in a permanent haze. My tolerance is short, as is my memory of anything people tell me while I'm in this state. It's likely that I'm not thinking clearly, or maybe when you have enough sleep deprivation, you think more clearly. For instance, I'm very certain that people are crazy, life is precious though thoroughly unfair, and that we would be better served to ship Congress over to Canada instead of a case of beer for their Olympic hockey win.
It's 6a.m. now, and I'm kind of wondering about Shaun White. I've been obsessed with him lately, only because I want to know what it feels like to propel yourself high in the air, defying gravity almost, in your own world, iPod blasting, far away from it all, suspended and unfettered. I wish I could feel that way, even for just a moment. I think I'm going to imagine it now, and if I'm lucky, maybe it will bring me to another place where I can sleep a little while longer.
So if anyone has any suggestions that don't include chugging NyQuil or warm milk, let me know. Thanks for stopping by, and please tell your friends.
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