the right Facebook algorithm

Every time I go on Facebook these days, someone has posted a new quiz, promising to tell me everything from the color of my aura to which U.S. president I’d be.

I don’t take every single quiz, because, let’s face it, I’ve got things to do, but I have taken some of them and these are some of the things I’ve learned about myself from these hocus-pocus-fancy-shmancy-facebook-algorighms:

Shockingly, my occupation should be that of a writer, with a North Eastern accent. (Really glad I didn’t come up as a Pakistani chemical engineer, because that would’ve called into question pretty much all of my life choices.)

If I were a poet, I’d be Rainer Maria Rilke (a very nice assessment – once I googled what he’d written).

Which President? JFK, of course! And in my past life, I was a Greek philosopher. (That one completely bolstered my intellectual self esteem.)

If I were a state, I’d be California. (I’ll be taking up surfing immediately now that I know this.)

If I were a comedian, I’d be Chris Rock, which I take issue with, because I see myself as way more George Carlin or Tina Fey, only I can’t remember if either of them were even in the comedic survey as options. I suppose I should just be thankful I didn’t come up as Rodney Dangerfield and leave it at that.

My Sex and the City character - Carrie Bradshaw. While I don’t have proof of this, I think everyone comes up as Carrie Bradshaw. You can let me know if you came up as one of the other ladies, but I’m betting everyone’s Carrie. And now, I will be going shoe shopping. Total coincidence, I swear.

And keeping on the shoe theme, my nickname is Stiletto. Honest to God, that’s what it said. I really like this, because it seems very sexy to me. Note to self: stop wearing flats.

My aura is blue, which I actually knew already, thanks to my Shaman. Enough said.

And lastly, my old person name is Earl. Yes, Earl. I clicked on “female.” And yet, I still came up as Earl. If it didn’t make me laugh so much, I’d be mildly offended. (No disrespect intended to anyone named Earl out there.)

Be that as it may, I think many of my outcomes were surprisingly spot on. So I was kind of thinking of making up my own quiz and algorithm. But then I realized it would involve some sort of scientific math calculations and that, right there, made me think better of it. Besides, Carrie Bradshaw would never be messing with algorithms.

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