Way,
way back, at the beginning of 2015, (okay, so maybe it’s not that far back, but
it feels like it is), I picked my
three words for the year. They were to be my mantra, if you will, to set me
back on course if, God forbid, I should veer off and find myself heading
toward, oh, say, a ditch of some sort.
These
words were the words that flooded in immediately, without thinking and
obsessing and worrying, as had been my customary practice for a long time. So
me being of very evolved consciousness, took one look at those three words that
tumbled out and thought, Oh shit! Not that! Anything but that!
And
interestingly enough, every time since, when I have found myself frustrated or
upset or tied in knots, it would dawn on me – what was missing was trust,
surrender, and embrace – my three words. And they would get me back on track.
Fast
forward to this morning. I was playing at a particular spiritual center for the
first time. I was only supposed to play one of my original songs during the service, right before
the reverend’s talk, which I did. Done.
I
find it fascinating that when you are on a path of transformation,
opportunities for that transformation arrive all the time. They do not schedule
an appointment time or place with you. If you say, “God, I want to break free
of my limiting thoughts and beliefs and stand in the fullness of who I am and
what I was created to be,” then watch out! The Universe will provide you with
many “here’s your chance” moments to do just that.
It
sounds really good on paper. I can be all kinds of courageous in theory. I’m a
whirlwind of bravery at my computer keyboard, but what do you do in the moment
when you feel compelled to act on what
you said you wanted?
So
there I was, at the piano, sitting quietly, while the reverend was delivering her
message. And her message was everything I’d been working on and dealing with
over the past few years. It was about believing the truth and not every little
thought that pops into our imaginative little brains. The truth. And not that negative
thing someone said to you as a child, or a few years ago, or last week, or
yesterday, for that matter. The truth. And not the lies we tell ourselves to
rationalize why we can’t have the lives we truly want. The truth. The truth of
who we are and whose we are and what is possible if we would but let go of the
beliefs that do not serve us.
I
was overcome with more than just emotion. I felt a buzzing energy around me and
inside me. A palpable buzzing energy.
Wasn’t
this the genesis for the CD I’m finishing? Wasn’t this the title song? Wasn’t
this what I wanted to put out into the world? But you can’t have what you are not willing to be. So if I want to encourage people to
follow their hearts, to allow themselves to dream bigger than what the world
might deem sensible, to step boldly forward into their greatest desire and
highest calling, then I had to be
willing to do that in this very moment. Not in theory. Not on paper. In real
life. Now.
I
began having an internal dialogue while the good reverend was finishing her
talk. “Don’t do this, Ilene. It’s your first Sunday here. It could be your
last. You’ll be pushing the envelope and you are not an envelope pusher.” (This
is fear talking, by the way.) “You did just fine with the one song. Everybody
liked it. People will think you’re full of yourself if you just sing another
song right now, because you feel compelled. Stick with what you are supposed to
do.” (Still fear talking.)
But
there was another voice. “This is what you were put here for. Someone needs to
hear this today, and you may not know who, but you know this is why you’re here
today.” (Let’s call this voice “the one that knows.”) “This is your chance to
claim that fullness of you, step into it, own it. Never mind the fear. Never
mind if they will have you back or not. Never mind whether or not you are a
reputed envelope pusher or not. It is now, it is you, and you are ready.”
I
took the leap and sang the song. I decided today was not the day to shrink back
into oblivion. I’ve spent too long there. It’s not fun. And this may not have
been tackling Mount Everest, but we each have our own Mount Everest to scale. I’ll
never know who that song was supposed to reach today, but I do know that I was
the recipient of the opportunity to be and
not just have the life I wanted. And
that was a gift to me.
Acts
of faith seem terrifying – the not knowing, the taking a step when we’re not
sure if there’s a cliff we’re about to step off or solid ground beneath us. But
we’ve gotta dare to take the step. We get to grow each time we do. Our lives
don’t transform until we transform.
And it’s not always the Red Sea parting. It’s the small steps, it’s the
learning to listen to that part of us that knows that we know, and daring to
trust it.
Whatever
it is you want for your life, I hope you dare to trust that part of you that
knows, surrender the attempts to control it, and embrace the magic and the
mystery and the love that surrounds us all.
Thanks
for stopping by. Please tell your friends.
Peace
and Blessings to you always,
Ilene
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