...looking back before looking forward

I am an extremely driven person. Frankly, I could use a nap, but I’d spend the whole time ruminating about all the things I want to get done, so I’d neither nap nor get those things done. That’s how I ended up here, blogging today.

It occurred to me, that while it may be productive to set intentions for the coming year, in my case, it might be more productive to, first, take a look back to acknowledge and appreciate how far I’ve come and what I’ve accomplished in the past year.

I grew up in the era before everyone got a trophy just for showing up, so I tend not to count showing up as a big deal. The thing is – it is a big deal, and the reason I know that is that so few people do it.

We are living in an era when people do not want to be inconvenienced. I don’t know exactly when that happened, but I’d wager we have Steve Jobs to thank for it. God forbid we should have to wear a wristwatch to know the time or carry an actual camera.

Mailing a letter? Making a phone call? Writing a complete English sentence? Who can be bothered?!!

In this kind of world, it’s a big deal to show up. And because I’m now an “expert” on how to calm the hell down and be happy (more on that later), I would like to tell you the one thing that will grow your relationships, strengthen and deepen them, more than anything else you could do – show up – when it’s not convenient, when you don’t feel like it, when you’re tired. If you want to express how much someone means to you - be there. And if you can’t be there in person because there’s airfare involved, be in communication. Call, text, write, pray for, whatever.

I want to acknowledge the times I’ve been there for people this past year, as well as all those who have shown up for me in ways big and small. You have all made my life richer, and I hope you can say the same for me.

I am also going to take a self-congratulatory minute here to acknowledge completing and publishing a book! (I’m even going for the exclamation point!)

It is not an easy endeavor to write a book. In fact, I was fairly certain, after my first book took me ten years to complete, that I would never write another.

This is why you should never say never.

Publishing was also an adventure, and I would like to impart something I learned in the course of starting with one publisher and ending with another – always listen to your intuition. You cannot have a happy ending to an unhappy journey. Life isn’t a Hallmark movie. We have to make decisions that honor ourselves, even if it means we risk losing everything we think we wanted.

So that’s what I wish for you and me – that we make decisions that truly honor ourselves.

..and that brings me to transformation. If you are the same person you were this time a year ago, well, first, I’m so sorry. And second, what the hell?!

I am grateful for the ways in which I’ve changed, both from learning the hard way, and for the times I chose ease instead.

In order for us to be of greater service to the world, I think we must become more and more ourselves at our best. Now, we can choose the path of struggle and kicking and screaming (which I have historically been a master at and chosen repeatedly), or we can choose ease and joy and ways of showing up that honor our best. I’ll be honest – I’m a work in progress. I have never even seen the way of ease and joy as a viable option until recently. But it doesn’t matter how long it takes us to get there, it just matters that we get there, so I’m choosing it now.

That brings me back to the book. Optimist that I am, I wanted to impart every bit of wisdom I amassed in my life, just in case, you know, I got hit by a truck or something…which, coincidently, I have done and survived, so really, I might want to rethink my morbidity a bit.

How to Calm the Hell Down and Be Happy is out now and I would love it if you bought yourself a copy and took a looksee. (Buy on Amazon)

As for my New Year’s intentions, I’ll be blogging those in the next few days, along with an announcement about what my third book will be! (Again with the exclamation points!)

I hope you take a moment to reflect and appreciate your own 2018. I am so grateful you stopped by and chose to spend a few minutes with me.

xo

Ilene

a modern day miracle

'Tis the holiday season, the time when we recount miracles of all kinds.

Usually, this is my favorite time of year. Never mind being Jewish. I love the lights, the music, and the sappy movies, but more than the festivities, I love that people, if only for a brief moment, seem kinder toward one another. Well, until this year, that is.

This year feels different and finds me with a longing heart. If people are being kinder toward one another, I don’t readily see it, and so it’s got me wondering what a miracle would look like today and how we’d recognize it.

In the dictionary, “miracle” is defined as “a wonder, a marvel, an extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human or natural powers and is ascribed to a supernatural cause” – in other words, a work of God.

By that definition, in today’s world, love, kindness, and compassion are miracles.

Looking around, I don’t need any extra convincing of it. So I want to talk about becoming the miracle of love, kindness, and compassion in a world looking more and more devoid of it.

We can start by knowing that even with those we would acknowledge that we utterly despise, we share something in common. And I would argue that what we share in common is our pain.

Pain levels the playing field. It finds us all – the richest and the poorest, the mightiest and the meekest among us and it wreaks equal havoc on all our lives.

Pain exposes our inherent vulnerability, which I think is a good thing, because it can be the invitation we’ve been secretly longing for that reconnects us with one another.

The antidote, the only antidote for our pain, be it individual or collective, is love, kindness, and compassion.

For starters, I’m extending those things to myself. We can’t give away what we don’t have, so maybe it’s time we offer ourselves that which we would want others to give us.

For the past month or so, I’ve been calling, writing, and seeing people I haven’t spoken to in too long a time and reconnecting. Relationships need tending. They don’t grow and deepen without effort. This is another way we heal the world - by growing our connection to one another.

I’m taking an extra few seconds and going out of my way, whether it’s in the grocery store, reaching the top shelf for an older person, or holding the door at the post office, or telling as many people as I can something I love about them, be it an article of clothing or their soul.

This season, I’m staying present to the gift of now and the fragility of life.

It is time to stop making a mess of everything and then ask someone else to clean it up. That is childish and we are not children.

It is time we stop longing for peace on earth, good will toward men and finally realize that only we can be the deliverers of that.

We can be either the creators of each other’s pain or the creators of our healing.

‘Tis the season to heal. To show mercy and kindness. To be compassionate in the way we ourselves need compassion.

Loving one another – yeah, that would be a modern day miracle.

We don’t have to watch It’s a Wonderful Life to know what the world would look like without us. It would look like it does now, when we’re here, but not participating.

So let’s participate.

This is the season of miracles, and we, my friends, are the miracle workers.

May your days be filled with the miracle of love, kindness, and compassion that you are.

Thanks for stopping by. Please tell your friends.

the giving of thanks

Gratitude feels like a buzzword to me lately, much like “thoughts and prayers” – devoid of some of its earlier meaning due to overuse and being under-actualized. So I’m going to spend some time today thinking about all the people in my life, giving thanks, and staying present to the wonder and beauty that is this life I’ve been given.

The other day I was in a doctor’s office with my father, and there was a lady in the waiting room in a wheelchair with oxygen. She was alone, and couldn’t stop sobbing and saying, “My family doesn’t care about me. No one cares about me.”

I couldn’t help but weep for and with her, though that solved nothing. And I also couldn’t help but think about how many people were exactly like her, with no one to give a damn.

It is an awful moment in our shared humanity when “you do you” has replaced “how can I be of service.” It is a time of phenomenal technological interconnectedness and yet, epidemic isolation and loneliness.

So in the midst of my own turkey day, I am sending up a prayer for every single person left alone and feeling unloved or unwanted.

I’m also sending out some gratitude for the creature comforts and working appliances I enjoy. Wait, what???

For the past few years, every holiday has brought with it something ceasing to accomplish its designated duties. Two years ago, it was the oven breaking on Thanksgiving, last year this time, the hot water tank broke and flooded the basement, which is not to be confused with this past 4^th of July, when we had a real whopper of a flood, or the Memorial Day heat wave, when the air conditioner broke.

If I was the superstitious kind, I would steer clear of holidays and pull the covers over my head, but instead, I just keep checking the basement for water and move on with my day. So far, so good, by the way.

Traditionally, I conclude my Thanksgiving blog with a random list of whatever pops into my little noggin that I am thankful for, but before I do that, I want to make sure to specifically let you know that if you are reading this, I appreciate you and am very thankful you are here right now.

I am thankful for…

…my family, near and far

…warm clothes on cold days

…seeing dreams to fruition

…mercy and compassion

…coffee

…the ideals of freedom and democracy

…living another year

…words that inspire and empower

…my hair colorist (priorities!)

…friends that are family to me

…theater, musical and otherwise

…having the ability to change, and then actually doing it

…hope

…sunsets that take my breath away

…puppies

…angels in human form

…songs

…those who have passed, but remain in my heart

…love, in every way it shows up

…lessons learned and new adventures

…time spent both in contemplation and conversation

…having more than enough

…football (totally kidding! I was just seeing if you read this far)

…the courage to manifest my greatest desires

...enough wisdom to be grateful

May your Thanksgiving be one of love, fellowship, and more than enough. Thanks for stopping by and spending part of your day with me.