Well, boys and girls, another year has passed, and so today we find ourselves readying for Super Bowl LVII between the Kansas City Chiefs and the Philadelphia Eagles.
It is starting at 6:30p.m. Eastern, so make sure to heat your hot wings accordingly.
As has become tradition, I like to take this opportunity to impress you, my readers, with my vast knowledge of players of the sport.
This year, I learned one name and one name only – Damar Hamlin of the Buffalo Bills. And I would like to point out that the only reason I know his name is that, while playing a sport big on violence and short on smarts, he nearly died.
For one brief shining moment, I held out hope that the U.S. might come to its senses about this sport. For an instant, I dared dream that life and death might carry the full weight they deserve.
But alas, that moment was short lived, and here we are again today, a nation poised to celebrate that which has turned out to be truly American – overconsumption of junk food and unnecessary barbarism. Add a semiautomatic and Marjorie Taylor Greene to the picture and I think we can all say, “God bless America.”
Enough negativity, Ilene, you might be thinking. Can’t we harken back to a simpler time, when I knew the names of players because they were on Dancing with the Stars?
Sure, I can harken with the best of them. The truth is, the one player who was part of all of pop culture when I was growing up is now doing Medicare commercials.
Broadway Joe was Sexiest Man Alive before there was a People Magazine to determine such important things. Now I’m worried that he’ll break a hip.
But back to the matter at hand – today’s Super Bowl.
I’ll be cheering for the real winners – anyone who wrote music used in the commercials and half-time show. I applaud and cheer any musician’s rare payday. Even Rihanna, who lost me as far back as the genius lyric “umbrella – ella – ella – eh – eh - eh.” Good for her, too.
I suppose my toughest decision will be what to watch while the rest of the country is on that testosterone high. My top contenders are Friends, which I started streaming on HBO Max because I’d never seen them all when they originally ran. Or maybe Hacks, which I also haven’t seen yet, but heard was great. Whatever it is, it will probably be a comedy, because I could use a laugh.
Whatever I choose, I will make sure to say a prayer for the players before the start of the game. I can’t say for certain, but it’ll probably be something along the lines of,…
“Dear Lord, they know not what they do, so please go easy on the traumatic brain injury. Amen.”
Wherever your Super Bowl plans may take you, I hope you have a great day.
xo
Ilene
