In Search of...dancing stars

I've spent the last three evenings watching the excruciating premiere of Dancing with the Stars. Though I've loved the show since its inception, it has morphed into a caricature of itself. As with American Idol, the judges seem as thirsty for attention as the contestants and they add little toward improving the actual dancing of the amateurs they are supposed to be helping.

The exception to this, at least partially, is Len Goodman, the only judge actually qualified in ballroom dancing. The other two, though frequently louder, offer no expertise in ballroom dancing whatsoever and limited claim to fame as actual dancers. (Carrie Ann was a Fly Girl and Bruno did music videos.)

Now to this season's contestants. There are more than ever before, but I challenge you to name even five of the sixteen off the top of your head. The reason? They're not "stars!" Here are the four I can name - Macy Gray (1st to go), Donny Osmond, Debi Mazar, and Tom DeLay.

Macy Gray and Ashley Hamilton were the first to go last night. Can't say that I'm heartbroken. Macy came off even from the opening footage of her "journey" as someone who could care less about being there...or dancing...or anything at all really. So why was she selected? There is nothing I hate more than seeing an ungrateful person take up a coveted spot at anything.

Ashley Hamilton at least had a compelling story about being in a wheel chair for a year and a half. He's also got famous parents, but parents and story aside, that doesn't make him a star either. Just to make sure I am not being too harsh on poor Ashley's star status, I looked him up on IMDB. Tell me if you've ever heard of these gems in his illustrious body of work - Voodoo Lagoon and Sluts & Losers.

Add to the mix a snow boarder who's admittedly never even watched the show, a clumsy football player whose sole purpose for being there is to beat Jerry Rice at anything, and the former House Speaker who was indicted and booted out of Congress and you have a good cross section of this season's esteemed celebrities.

What is the criteria for being selected for this show? Is this really the best they can come up with? Can't they at least go for people without criminal wrongdoing? On second thought, maybe that last one is hard to come by in Hollywood.

So I'm voting for the person I've known longest and like best - Donny Osmond. Oh, laugh if you will, but he fits my criteria - he's famous in his own right, has seen and likes the show, and hasn't been indicted for anything.

If anyone knows of how I can get on the show, please let me know.

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