Saturday, August 11, 2012

In Search of...nervous anticipation

Lately I've been feeling a nervous anticipation, like something big is about to happen. No, it's not Mitt Romney announcing his running mate, although I would like to point out that I see a striking resemblance between Paul Ryan and the TV character Eddie Munster, but that's just me. Anyway, back to the story, which is this feeling of butterflies I've been having lately.

I remember when I first felt like this. I was starting out in the music business in New York, 1980-something. I was playing clubs, most of which have since closed. I was working an office job during the day, recording all night and weekends, slinging cassette tapes at anyone and everyone I thought might be able to help get my songs heard. I had a belief in the inevitability of success. I was young and hopeful and naive. But I look longingly now at the bravery I possessed for as insecure as I was back then. That's the beauty of aging - wisdom acquired after gravity begins making a mockery of various body parts. But possible nips and tucks are a conversation for another day.

With this persistent nervousness has come a visual resurgence in my mind's eye of things I haven't let myself think about in many years - like the dreams I held for my life before ever contemplating what wasn't possible. And I wish that the person I am now could have had a conversation with the younger me and told me to listen to others less and bet on myself more, because in the end, we are left with the results of the choices we've made, and seldom do we regret what we've done nearly as much as what we didn't do. (That's how I wound up parasailing in Maui recently.) So now I allow myself to see my life as I dreamed it once in all its splendor and with unbridled passion and excitement.

We live in the realm of the physical, though, where circumstances and appearances run contradictory to optimism. And most would consider it folly to take a few minutes a day and boldly dream the dreams they once considered their birthright. But me, I'm seeing things differently now. I'm working as though any minute those things are showing up, because the truth is we just don't know. And it's just as possible that they will as that they won't. So why not go for what feels happier? This is my new thinking.

So while I'm off writing songs and polishing banter I might otherwise have no use for, I invite you to revisit the longings of your own heart and pull out a dream or two that makes you smile.

As for that feeling of nervous anticipation, I still don't know what it is. But I'm certain it's something big. I'll keep you posted on it.

Thanks for stopping by and spending a few minutes with me. Please tell your friends.

Peace & Blessings,

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