In Search of...false eyelashes, red carpets, and great expectations

Okay, so it took me a while to figure out that any woman who looks beautiful in a photograph is wearing false eyelashes. I know, I'm late coming to that observation, but the thought of gluing anything that close to my eyeballs just plain grosses me out. That's why I had someone else do it - a professional makeup artist.

But it doesn't end there, my friends. You are never going to achieve anything close to what one would call glamour in flats. And so must begin the suffering known as high heels. Every woman looks better in heels. Truly. And in a troubled economy, the least we could all do is keep the orthopedists and chiropractors in business.

Add to the equation the multitude of things designed to suck you in and hoist you up, and you've got your red carpet-ready appearance. Sure it's agony, but who said beauty didn't equal pain?

All this suffering had to be endured because my frequent co-writer, Sue Fabisch, and I wrote a song that won a big contest! I'd like to point out that we wrote the winning song in our sweats...on a couch in my apartment...with snacks...that we would later come to regret as we purchased Spanx. Ah, the irony.

Was it worth it? Sure. My back has only hurt for a week now, and the ibuprofen ruins your liver only after far more extended use than that. So I think I'm good.

Was the red carpet everything that I'd hoped it would be? Well, I'll ignore the fact that not a single soul really cares what color carpet I stroll down, and say that, for a moment, I had to be satisfied knowing I was standing in the exact spot that Fergie stood moments earlier. Plus the videographer told me I looked beautiful. So take that, Natasha Bedingfield!

Below is the pictorial proof that my suffering was not in vain. I know, you're welcome for these free beauty tips. Please tell your friends.


    Ilene Angel & Sue Fabisch on the red carpet