I once saw a title of a book called What You Think of Me is None of my Business, and I laughed out loud. Oh, don't misunderstand me, I knew the veracity of that statement, but I also understood myself well enough to know how difficult that would be for me to live by. And lo, these many years later, it turns out that I was right about myself.
In my perpetual effort to be liked, I have forgotten that some people won't like me no matter what I do, and some people will love me no matter what I do. I forgot that there will be days during which I will royally screw up, maybe even inadvertently ruffle someone's feathers in the process. I suppose it shouldn't matter to me, as long as I've done the best I can, and as long as my heart is true. But it does matter to me. And so, in my longing for inner peace, and my understanding that I must be the peace I wish to see both in the world and in myself, I am on a mission of spiritual cleansing today.
It is easy to blame, and hard to forgive those who have truly wronged us. It is easy to dwell on the petty and the minute in others, and hard to look ourselves in the eye and acknowledge where we fall short. It is easy to want to control, and hard to surrender to a universe that we aren't entirely sure is friendly. And it is oh so easy to care what others think, and hard to listen to our own souls and take the road less traveled.
But I'm learning that there is a difference between understanding someone and agreeing with them. And that collateral damage can happen in relationships as well as wars. I am learning that there is little in life that we can autonomously control and even less that has any control over us. I've learned that I can fight the good fight, pray to a merciful loving God, and hold fast to my dreams, and still in the end, I must surrender to what is.
So despite my recent crankiness and incessant railing against just about everyone, today I am choosing to embrace the beauty within the pain, to celebrate the strength to rise up one more time from a fall. I am focusing on the joy in spite of temporary suffering. I am deciding that half full or half empty is still half more than nothing. I am pausing for a moment to take a deep breath and remind myself to appreciate in this moment those whom I've loved and lost, those whom I love and still have, and those whom I will come to know and love one day. I surrender to the certainty of change, the inherent beauty of each moment, and a greater source of knowledge, wisdom, love and compassion than I myself have.
I wish you the same today on your journey. I am monumentally grateful that you stopped by and read my blog. Peace and blessings to you all.