Friday, September 5, 2014

everything must go

I was going to write some sort of tribute blog about another great comedic loss we suffered this week – Joan Rivers. I was poised and ready to be poignant, but then I discovered something today that made me laugh so hard I felt certain Joan herself was egging me on, daring me to talk about it. So here it is: People sell their bras on eBay. I know, I know. I’ll wait while you read that sentence one more time.

Well, you know that got my wheels turning. You see, I’ve been selling stuff on eBay lately. “What, and why?” you ask. Well, pretty much everything that isn’t nailed down, because a) I’m making a record that I need to finish funding, and b) Did we really need all that stuff, anyway?

But silly me, I thought the antique Japanese plates, combat boots, or the first season of Little House on the Prairie on DVD would sell. But noooo. Bras, on the other hand – like hotcakes.

Now might be a good time to mention that people are not only selling their bras on eBay, but their panties as well. And not all of them are new. Some are what they call “pre-owned.”

I think I speak for most of us when I say that’s the grossest thing I’ve ever heard ever. Sure, I could offer some deep psychological analysis about anyone buying someone else’s used underwear on eBay, let alone selling it. However, I found myself looking to see if there were any bras (new and with the tags still on them, of course) in my size and how much they were going for.

The bigger the cup size, the higher the asking price – even on eBay. Have you people no shame? Is it really that much more fabric?

Then it dawned on me, “Hey, I wonder if I have any bras I never wore with the tags still on them?” (I’d only sell unused ones, because that’s just the kind of caring person I am.)

Screw the Japanese plates. Maybe I can finish funding my project with my breasts. Pure genius. And I don’t know why, but there’s something oddly poetic about that to me.

Who’s laughing at all those Dolly Parton jokes now, huh? And think what a great story it would make when I play out!

So as I rifle through my satin and lace in search of hidden cash and/or a decent fitting bra I’ve long forgotten about, I invite you to find the humor in whatever absurd situations you find yourself in. Life is short, and laughing sweetens the journey.

Thanks for stopping by. And please support the arts: buy my bra.

Rest in peace, Joan Rivers.

1 comment:

  1. That was spectacular. While I thoroughly enjoyed your blog about Robin Williams recently...this was just so very fitting. And funny. Mostly because it's absurd people sell used undergarments on eBay (which makes the mind wonder if we know any of these people secretly selling their satin and lace.) But also because it was so well written. ����